I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts and of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn’t the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then.
You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate. It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves. You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and…what I’m trying to say, Tristan is…I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart. It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.
/ I can’t wait to catch this movie, but watching this trailer brought tears to my eyes. Too many memories, too much water under the bridge. I miss you, Laotong.
“A laotong relationship is made by choice…when we first looked in each other’s eyes in the palanquin I felt something special pass between us - like a spark to start a fire or a seed to grow rice. But a single spark is not enough to warm a room nor is a single seed enough to grow a fruitful crop. Deep love - true-heart love - must grow.”